People Aren't Having Sex Nearly As Much As You Think

A new survey shows your dry spell is pretty normal.

BY KATE HAKALA

My cold-sheeted friends can attest to the fact that whenever you're going through a dry spell, it feels like literally everyone else is having approximately 20 quadrillion orgasms a day, all bestowed by a loving partner. Each tunnel you pass reminds you of a vagina, each subway column a phallus, and even the wind seems to hum, "You need to get laaaaid." If it weren't for your fastidious single person hygiene routine, you are certain cobwebs would form between your thighs and skin would grow back in places it shouldn't. This feeling of unhumpedness may be isolating, but according to a new survey, being sexless isn't that rare.

The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles prodded into the private lives of 15,000 British adults and found that about 20 percent of individuals ages 25-44 haven't had sex in the last month. Of 25-34 year-olds, 19.5 percent of men and 20 percent of women haven't been laid in four weeks. For ages 45-54, that increases to 21.1 for men and 27.9 percent for women. They found that, on average, women were 8 percent more likely to report dry spells than men. 

What's going on with the ladies, if not, perhaps, a major vitamin "D" deficiency? Well, it could be the fact that men are more likely to fudge their number than women or it could be that many men are sleeping with the same women. Another likely factor is that a lot of dudes are lovin' other dudes. My bet is on the first.

So if the bar is open, but there hasn't been a customer in ages, remember that the 20 percent pool of unlaid citizens is also swimming with virgins and people who haven't had sex in months or years. Nothing too unusual. There's a lot of porn to watch, and hey, it all worked out for Liz Lemon in the end.